


Ninety-Four

by Leggo My Lego Harry Potter (Runic_Purple_Panda)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, LEGO Batman (Video Games)
Genre: Alfred is a passive-aggressive BAMF, Complete, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runic_Purple_Panda/pseuds/Leggo%20My%20Lego%20Harry%20Potter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin and Batgirl accidentally kill Alfred...again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ninety-Four

**Author's Note:**

> I kept ‘accidentally’ exploding Alfred. Never with Batman, always with Robin or Batgirl. Accidentally.

Alfred Pennyworth died in the batcave with Robin’s and Batgirl's versions of the batarangs, sticking out of his chest.

But that was alright. Alfred had given Bruce permission to clone him years ago just in case he died. Heaven forbid the man actually manage to feed and clothe himself in between beating criminals half to death, pretending to be a ditzy playboy, and chasing after Catwoman’s skirt.

Metaphorically of course, as she didn’t actually wear a skirt.

The Alfred that died, in fact, wasn’t even the original Alfred. That Alfred had died peacefully in his sleep. The Alfred that died was Clone #93. It had only been seven months since the original had passed away.

“Oops,” Batgirl said.

“Again?” Robin said.

“You two are grounded,” Batman growled out.

“Grounded!?” Batgirl exclaimed.

“But who will you fight crime with!?” Robin yelled.

Batman turned to look at Ace. Ace barked.

“The dog!?” Robin and Batgirl shouted together.

“At least the dog hasn’t killed Alfred,” Batman said.

“More than once anyway,” Alfred Clone #94 said, stepping into the main part of the batcave. “Though he does like to take my bones and bury them outside. Sometimes, while I’m still using them.”

Something in the cloning process must make the clones smell like bones, because #37, #48, and #62 had all been buried in the garden. #37 hadn’t made it, but #48 and #62 had managed to claw their way out of the dirt. Ace had gotten discount kibble for a week each time, rather than his usual gourmet blend.

Alfred and his clones could pull off passive-aggressive revenge with the best of them.

“I think perhaps,” Alfred Clone #94 told them, “you should eat more vegetables.” The three of them hated eating vegetables. “Perhaps it will help strengthen your body, so that you may succeed in aiming properly.”

“Blech,” Robin said, making a disgusted face.

“I’m sure Master Bruce will set a good example, by eating all of his.” He was, after all, the one to teach them how to aim so horribly in the first place.

Batman didn’t make a sound, but Alfred knew him well enough to know that under the cowl, he was making the same face Robin had just made. Little children, the lot of them.

“I suppose,” Batgirl said slowly, “vegetables aren’t, uh, too bad?”

“You’re getting squash,” Alfred Clone #94 said.

“Guh,” Batgirl gagged, making the same face as Robin and Batman. She hated squash with a passion.

Alfred #94 smiled. Ace would end up tripping him down a set of stairs before dinner. Luckily, the clones inherited all their predecessor’s memories, and his three charges got an extra helping of vegetables, while Ace went back to the discount kibble for another week.


End file.
